Do you feel like people treat you differently when they know you suffer from mental health issues? I think that people do, at first, but then they forget so quickly, probably because it is not a visible illness to them. In some ways I feel that it should make a difference and in some ways I absolutely hate being singled out and hate being treated differently.
As an example, lack of control/ routine flares up my anxiety like a bitch. Working shifts can make this a tricky one, and sometimes I really struggle with it. But I am managing it. I plan ahead which makes it a little easier. My shifts are also set so I would be able to work out when I am working in 5 years time. So although I might be working at different times of the day or night depending on which week it is, I know what I am doing and when. It is part of my routine.
I don’t like when things are sprung upon me. I don’t like being on standby for this exact reason. It means I could be called in to work at any time of any day or night. 3 AM – you have 1 hour to get to work. 5 PM Christmas day – you have 1 hour to get to work. You catch my drift. I hate it, I am not in control.
On an un-related note, I was asked to do something this morning. It was a simple task. I was given a blank map, and asked to fill out where places were. My geography is absolutely awful, always has been. It is not relevant to my job though. Well, it is a bit… but we have tools that enable us to do our jobs without knowing exactly where on the map the bloody Isle of Tiree is! I am perfectly able to do my job, and do it well, without this. I was embarrassed and completely humiliated. I said I didn’t want to do it and was told it was mandatory.
BULLSHIT! I am not at school.
My anxiety levels were already a little higher than they have been lately, but since this it has been building and building. I have been struggling to hold it together.
If the person making me do that knew how it was making me feel, or how it would affect the rest of my day, would they enforce it? Would they push it?
On the other hand, if I am in a bad place and losing my shit on the inside and someone asks me if I am okay… NO IM NOT OKAY, IM NOT OKAY AT ALL, I COULDN’T BE FURTHER AWAY FROM OKAY. I AM LOSING MY SHIT AND THAT’S WHY I’M QUIET, OK HUN???!!!! I usually manage to squeak out ‘ I’m fine’ but sometimes it can tip me over the edge and the tears will just spill out and I will lose it. I don’t know why I get so teary, but it’s like the tears will sit in my eyes for ages and if someone notices it will definitely leak out. Once the tears start, they wont stop.
So – Do I feel like people should treat me differently? Honestly, no. However, I do think that people need to be more aware of others, their feelings and how what they say or do could affect the other persons whole day.
What do you think?
As always, please leave a comment if you have any feedback. Also if you have any topic suggestions let me know!